Swashbuckling Otters

artcher-artwork:

I was commissioned to draw an orc baker character and I love her

(via dare-to-dm)

ophilosoraptoro:

dudewhoabides:

90s punk band

(via alsojetwolf)

incorrect-dnd-classes:

Fighter: Why do wizards and mages and shit always have to use a fucking stick or staff to do magic. what’s so special about a gotdamn tree bone
Wizard: There’s a huge occult explanation for that but long story short: if you miscast do you want a stick to explode or your hand?
Warlock: Also good for hitting people
Bard: Twirly. Dramatic flair
Druid: Tastes good

(via dare-to-dm)

quadradaz:

sleepingreader:

madmaudlingoes:

kk-maker:

marlynnofmany:

atreefullofstars:

specsthespectraldragon:

specsthespectraldragon:

corgi magic is banned in most public areas, and one of the few dog magics not to be demonstrated in show- allowing your corgi to perform magic in public can be punished with up to $1000 in fines, even before the costs of damage to people and property

Golden Retriever magic is sometimes considered “disney” magic, as they typically attract waterfowl and game birds. this is not always the benefit one thinks it would be, as some lines have a penchant for attracting swans! some, however, attract vertebrates of a different sort. one remarkable individual was given an honorary degree in wildlife biology for her prodigious ability to attract frogs and toads, and is currently hard at work in Costa Rica.

courtney-p-22:

Pitbulls over the ages were bred to emit magic to calm children and help them sleep

Collies can multiply themselves for a short time to corral animals

St Bernard’s turn into snow and can feel where an avalanche is going to happen hours before the event

Anatolian Shepherd can shapeshift into other animals around them to blend in

villainous-queer:

Cats are often thought to be selfish and troublesome, to only use their magic for themselves, and for random but odd favours.

This is not the entire truth.

Cat magic is largely Watch and Ward, which is only observable in what does not happen. Cats are known to protect sleeping humans from danger simply by being present, their lamp-like eyes acting as a sort of n’est pas possible upon all possible intruders, from pests to more deadly threats.

ironychan:

Portuguese water dogs are canine silkies - in deep enough water they transform into curly-haired seals, and when they climb back out and shake off, they turn back into dogs.

ironychan:

The Pekingese’ magic is camouflage - they can change colour to match whatever they touch, whether a blanket, a mossy rock, or even a reflective mirror. This ability originally enabled them to hide in a robe, so their owners could take them into places where dogs were technically not permitted. The classic image of a pekingese is of it sitting outside a building, appearing to be part of the stonework… until it reveals itself to growl at an intruder.

ironychan:

For an obvious example… dalmatians have been bred for fire magic. A properly trained dalmatian will run into a burning building and all the fires around it will go out. Caution is necessary, of course, because they can also do the opposite. Their favourite toys are often a bit blackened, and puppies must be kept in fireproof surroundings, with extinguishers in easy reach.

ironychan:

A world where humans have no innate magic but our pets do.

Cat magic is pretty raw and they mainly use it for getting into places they’re not supposed to. They can be trained if you’re patient, and will sometimes do favours for their owners out if the blue, but only if they want to.

Dogs have been bred for specific magic over the centuries and each breed can do certain things. Showing off your magic is an essential part of a dog show.

Horses come in horse, pegasus, and unicorn, each with their own magical talents.

Fuck knows what birds can do, I don’t trust birds.

#I would die for that fictional golden retriever scientists

no. you must live for her. she demands it of you. how else would you be able to appreciate all these great amphibians she’s finding?

A cat’s protective aura gets stronger in response to affection and respect. If you bond strongly enough with one, you can actually FEEL the magic working, soothing fear and anxiety. They also work in dreams, catching and killing nightmares. Some can do this from several rooms away, while others like to work more closely and will sit on their owners’ chests or heads while they sleep.

Yes please to all of this.

Rat magic: a mysterious multiplication of SOMETHING–food or other valuable resources generally–which can be pretty handy if you don’t mind the nibble marks.

Beagle magic is mostly low-grade telepathy, which is very handy for coordinating a pack hunt, but also makes individual dogs prone to neurosis.

Some cats, like their behaviour of presenting a prey, also sometimes present their owner with a small magical favour. Sometimes this involves a transmuted treat. Sometimes this involves a clumsy owner growing whiskers

What the hell do Corgis do that it is illegal for them to do their magic in public?

(via type40thiefoflight)

morningwitchy:

the salamander woods jacket sample came in today and i just had to share with all of you!! 💖🌿🦎

jacket preorders are coming july 15th!! 100% cotton twill exterior, printed cotton interior w/ a matching pattern to the embroidered design.

(via type40thiefoflight)

everythingfox:

“My time has come”

(via peashooter-in-exile)

scyllascriptor:

plotbunnyfarm:

funnytwittertweets:

tags from @inneskeeper are SO GOOD

ALT

The walls didn’t bleed, but the black sludge that slid down them at the first hint of rain had no plausible source. The cellar smelled of death, and yet the rammed earth had been swept clean. Doors slammed. The hot water was either ice cold, or a hazard. The stairs were… agile and greasy.

“Do you remember when Grandma got sick? When her feelings got too big and she got tired and sad?” She said, softly and quietly to her children, holding their hands. “I think the house’s feelings got very big. I think the house saw some really scary things like Grandma did when she was little, and it’s feelings are too big to carry. I don’t think houses are supposed to feel things like that. It doesn’t want to be mean, it’s just tired and sad. We don’t have to let it be mean, but we can’t be mean back, okay?”

Ashleigh would read the house bedtime stories from her thick, cardboard, books. Stories about the moon, and kittens, and even one about a friendly spider. She still saw shadows sometimes, but they only stood in the doorway now. They didn’t try to reach for her ankles in the dark. That was okay, because she didn’t like to sleep alone anyway. She would tell the shadow goodnight, and that she hoped it had good dreams.

Bryce knew to use the infra-red thermometer to check the water before showers. “Hey, it really hurts when you try to burn me. Okay? I just don’t want to stink like a-… like butt after band. I don’t know why you don’t want us to shower but like… see these things on the floor? They’re rough so you can’t slip or nothing, okay? Please don’t burn me.” And it didn’t. Sometimes the temperature shifted a little but never as badly as before.

Sometimes they prayed with the house. They weren’t sure what else to do. They didn’t pray at it, and it wasn’t exactly Christian or … anything else really, but they just … just… sat with it, and said words of gratitude and peaceful contemplation. They wondered if it missed that moment of familial togetherness around the table. Each of them would note something good about their day, and something that maybe had been bad but had taught them something important, and there was always mention of being grateful for a roof over their heads… that shelter, togetherness, and safety made it a Home.

“I like it here, Mommy.” Ashleigh had said once. “It was scary at first but you were right… the house was just scared. We were new, and different and I think the house was scared we might tear it up and change it. But I like it here.”

“I like it here too, Baby.” She had said, quietly. She liked that she could afford to feed, clothe, and house two children because the house had sold for pennies on the dollar. She liked that there was room here for hobbies and game rooms, for a home office and a real dining room. “I think, deep down, the house likes us too. We know some sad things happened here, and that’s a lot of big feelings. I think that as long as we’re good to the house and show it that it doesn’t have to be scary, or scared… that it’ll get better.”

That night she stared at the spot of damp threatening to leech through the fresh coat of paint. “House… or… whoever you are. My kids have been through a lot. And we’re going to keep having this little talk for as long as we have to. Please just love them the way I love them. Love them the way they love you. You see how they walk in the door after school and the world falls off of their shoulders because they’re home? That’s not just us, that’s you too.”

The house settled, almost sighed. It, the amalgamation of suffering and grief and love and joy and birthday parties and funerals and breakfasts and beatings and… life… emotions… feelings… It, the House, considered the wisdom of this Mother’s words. It could run them away and sip on their fear and rage or it could love them fiercely, and grow strong with them for generations.

That… wouldn’t be so bad.

(via type40thiefoflight)

wingedcat13:

Synovus: Siren Call (2)

[Synoverse? In the year of our lord 2023? It’s more likely than you think! This one is in third person, set after Villains Never Retire. No idea what I’m talking about? Check out the first of the Synovus works here! I’ve still yet to do it as of posting, but both episodes of Siren Call will be on Ao3 here. Happy reading!]

A week after first arriving at her parents’ house, Minerva made the journey back to her own.

It wasn’t terribly far - a half-hour drive with no traffic, maybe - from where her parents now lived, still placed near to the coast. It wasn’t actually a ‘house’ either, more of a condo built in a line to save costs. It would’ve been cheaper to live further inland, but…

She’d had enough of that.

Keep reading

type40thiefoflight:

RIP old dashboard.

You will be missed.

dare-to-dm:

dare-to-dm:

dare-to-dm:

I just played a video game called Vale: Shadow of the Crown.  It has a blind protagonist and is 100% navigated by audio.  You need headphones to play it.  I was intrigued by the premise, but worried that it would be a gimmick that wouldn’t actually hold up well. 

Turns out it worked just fine and I found myself really sucked in!  I even turned off all the lights and played much of the game with my eyes closed.  Though there were a few difficult sections (for me, using the bow was hard), it was mostly pretty intuitive.  Honestly, the biggest problem was getting sleepy after a while, because as far as my body is concerned, if I spend that much time with my eyes closed, it’s bed time.

Anyway, it was a neat story with good voice acting and I actually really enjoyed the combat sections.  I would definitely recommend it to anyone looking for a novel gaming experience, as well as to anyone who has impaired vision.

Agreed!

To give more of a plot synopsis and potentially draw more people in, the story is about a blind princess named Alex who is sent to a remote corner of the kingdom when her father dies and her brother assumes the throne.  Her convoy is attacked and it appears that war has suddenly come to her kingdom.  She decides to go back to the capital to warn her brother, and enlists the aid of a shepherd to help guide her on the long journey.  Though she grew up fairly sheltered, her uncle trained her in weaponry and self defense and these abilities flourish over the course of this adventure (she also learns some magic as well!). 

It takes a little less than 7 hours to play through the story, and I mostly did it in one sitting because I got hooked.  And if the Falling Squirrel development team comes out with any other audio based games, I’d definitely be inclined to give them a try.

I’ll just note that for the next 3 days this game is free for anyone with an XBox Gold membership. (06/28/2023)

Also, for everyone asking in the notes, it’s available on both xbox and steam.  I personally played it on xbox, so I can’t comment too much on the PC version.  Some people are lamenting that their PCs might not be good enough to play this game, but I bet it has pretty tame system requirements, actually.  It’s not like there’s any fancy graphics to render!

archipelagoofliterarynonsense:

I wanted to put a more positive spin on the popular skeleton leaving meme

(via wearenecromancers)